When there are several children in the family, the parents see their older child as their assistant and deputy if they need to go somewhere or decide their affairs. And the senior falls out to nurse with his younger brother or sister. If such supervision is imputed to him as a duty and given: "You have to follow / help," this is bad for not only the attachment and friendship between children, but even their health.
And all because parents tend to exaggerate the possibilities of an older child, charging him to look after the smaller children. He can not just look through and add up in some kind of prank simply because he's still a child.
Psychologist Katerina Demina warns parents against wanting to make a nanny against the child's will and reminds parents that under any circumstances the responsibility rests with the parents.
Why older children shouldn't babysit younger siblings
It always starts with a small one: "Baby, look at the little one while he sleeps, I'll at least go into the shower." I looked, it seems nothing terrible happened. The baby woke up, did not cry, the older one shook the rattle over it and copied your intonations in every possible way. I am happy and proud of myself: "Mom, really, am I a good fellow and your assistant?" Yes, sweetheart, you are my clever girl, here's a kinder surprise and a bonus kiss.
Further - more: "Follow my brother on the court, I'll run to the store." This is already more complicated. There are many dangers on the court, and other children behave unpredictably. This time it cost, the next cost. And for the fifth time, Mom comes back from the store with packages, comes to the swing, on which the elder swings the younger one, and suddenly the younger with a yell "Mom came!" Jumps off and gets a piece of iron directly into the forehead. Blood, injuries, brackets. The younger calmed down quickly, but the older one vomited, he is still nervous and flatly refuses to go for a walk on the playground.
The first contraindication to leaving babies in the care of elders, if the age difference is less than 12 years: they are physically unable to cope
Look for a few minutes while my mother is preparing dinner - yes. But do not walk alone, do not stay home for more than five minutes. Real five! And not "I'm five minutes to a neighbor, and you stir the porridge every half hour."
Someone may object to me: "That's when everyone was walking with their siblings - and nothing." Yes, we walked. And the houses were left alone for the whole day. I used to work in children's intensive care. Boiling water, fell out of the window, scissors, iron, suffocation in the game, shoved the bead in the nose, and she fell into the lung, put her hand on the stove - it's only for the first three days of work.
Seven-year-old can not keep five-year from dangerous acts. And sometimes it will also help, for example, on a window sill. Not from evil, of course, purely from cognitive interest. You read carefully some "Deniskin stories" or Nosov, a collection of "Fantasers." Not from a child's, but from an adult position. Hair stand on end! Then they climbed the roof through the fire escape, they cooked the porridge, then the animals were tortured, then they ran out into the street and got lost. I myself was trying to make five injections to my brother with an empty syringe (yeah, they played doctors). By a miracle, just an air embolus was not organized by a kid, he yelled heavily. So please evaluate the possibilities of children realistically.
If the difference in age is 12 years or more, you can use the older one as a full-fledged babysitter. But only by agreement and for a fee. Look. It's one thing - in a hunt to play with the youngest when you want, and as much as you want. And quite another - to take responsibility for the safety of another person, besides absolutely brainless.
A teenager usually has his own, rather intense schedule, which includes school, personal life, sports and additional circles. If you count on it as a full-fledged work unit, you must compensate for the costs. It can be money or extra pleasures ("You let us out with Daddy in the movie at night, and we take you to the skating rink on Sunday for this"), some expensive purchase.
On the other hand, everyone has their own public duties in the house, so "dealing with the younger" can be formalized as part of homework. But all this should be discussed: how many hours a day, on what days, does it completely cover the quota or there are still some expectations (for example, to take out the garbage). I think this approach is more healthy than paying with money.
Still, we have a family here, such a special association to support and care for each other, and not an incubator for growing offspring. The most important thing that parents need to keep in mind is that the older children are not to blame, that you have given birth to another heir and have not calculated the strength. Once again I repeat: unless it is war, education and supervision of children is the responsibility of the parents.
Older children can help, they can do this voluntarily and with pleasure, but responsibility is only for you. And you often see (with great regret, sympathy and a desire to immediately intervene), as the elders are punished, they blame for the problematic behavior of the younger ones, that he has become dirty or fallen, or lost. "You were told to watch! Where did you look ?! "
And she herself is seven. For her who would watch. And how often in the therapy come these responsible, very caring, very attentive girls who somehow do not get to have their own children. Because, in fact, she has inside her knowledge: "Children are an unbearable burden". So you want grandchildren someday - do yourself children. It will be useful for everyone.