We, as parents, want to save the child from all bad things: both from a dangerous swing, and from a hopeless future. But how often do we manage to reach them? It seems that we are choosing the right words, we cite the arguments of iron, but we can not reach mutual understanding. As if we say different languages.
And all because we speak from the important position of an adult and do not take into account the peculiarities of the child's perception of the world. Teachers and authors of books for parents Zaryana and Nina Nekrasov in their book "Without danger: from birth to school" give 7 practically advice how to talk with the child so that he will hear and understand.
"Children's language", or How to say that the child understands you
Explain clearly and figuratively.
Show your child an unfamiliar object (at least the same rattle) - and he will immediately reach out to him. Feel, shake-listen, try for a tooth - that's the right way to get used to the subject, learn something new. And the children think, apparently, differently: images, pictures. (At first thinking is visual-effective, then - visually-figurative, and only then the child will grow to logical.)
In order for a child to remember something, he does not have much to hear. He must see, feel, perceive through the senses and emotionally (by the way, our subconscious mind works the same way, for him the native language - images and feelings).
You can tell how dangerous it is to step on the lid of the well, and how deep it is, and what kind of pipes there are, and ... your child will immediately forget. In his mind, this very hatch does not communicate dangerously, on the contrary, he wants to look, and touch, and stamp his feet on it. But if you fail your smart son and show him a thick lid and this deep well, and even if you throw there into the darkness, a pebble, and talk about what will happen if a person falls in there and offer to sniff than (fu, how disgusting! ) smells from there (etc., etc.) - such information will crash into his memory and firmly settle there, and at the right moment he will remind: "Attention, danger!" - that is, it will work at the level of the reflex.
So, you want the child to understand you, truly understand - create an image and engage his senses. By the way, for larger children the image is more useful than long speeches and words. He goes directly to the subconscious mind, and whatever gets there - will never be lost.
Play.
The game is the best way to get the information to the child. And so that they are firmly entrenched in his memory and at the right time "emerged" from there.
While the child is small, all the "safety lessons" should go like this, nenazoylivo, in a game form. However, older children learn important concepts better, if unobtrusively, "playfully" explain them. Why? Because playing for children is as natural as walking and breathing.
Suppose your baby rips off all the hats and panamas even on the beach, even when the sun bakes his head. You can, of course, promise a hundred troubles and "no bathing." But this will be a force method, but we need the children to understand why and how to protect themselves. The sunstroke and harmful consequences because of him - the concept for the child is too abstract (and uninteresting), is not it? It is much easier to "talk" and explain everything in the "children's language" - through the game, awakening the imagination and a good mood (to yourself, children with this - without problems). For example, as a doll Barbie forgot her hat at home and went for a walk, and what happened to her, and how she was treated ... The game is convenient and the fact that it does not need to specifically set aside time.
Here you bake in the kitchen pancakes - and play. Damn - this is the sun, see what kind of heat it is, feel it, touch it, that's the way the sun is when it's hot ... (and so on, explain in the game / imaginative / accessible form) all the causes and consequences of a heat stroke. You can even paint together a sun with a heavy club ...
When you play - any advice is perceived quite differently, without internal protest, because they are always the way, because you are on an equal footing, you are partners, you are partners and friends.
Lessons between the case.
Remember the hateful subject before the exam and how quickly and safely you forgot it, as soon as passed. It's the same here. What is bored and from under the stick - is digested with difficulty. (That inner protest is to blame!)
Security lessons, too, are best conducted in an unnatural way, causing curiosity and a desire to learn. The more interesting your lessons are, the greater the guarantee that the child will assimilate them to "excellent".
The main principle of learning is to teach so that the child wants to learn.
Seating a child and giving him a lecture is possible. You can't make him listen to this for an hour. The lecture is learned even by adults and is stored in long memory by five percent.
So speak clearly, briefly and figuratively.
Show how to do it right.
All children love to climb trees. And there is nothing terrible here. This is the training of the vestibular apparatus, and the physical skill. But to explain what a dry branch is and how treacherous it can break off, how to slice, and not to fly off a tree - these are our concerns. Of course, it is easier to ban, especially if you have a sad experience from your childhood, what it is like to fall and get injured, but besides trees there are fences, logs, construction sites and garbage dumps with very attractive rubbish. (And if you are firmly sure that in your "suspicious places" your baby will never stick, and for nothing, you do not know the children well.)
In a big shop, the workers either forgot, or for some reason left a high ladder-ladder. She shone with all her steps right in the middle of the trading hall, and adult buyers walked her side, and the small ones-who grabbed fingers, who ducked. And suddenly one girl of years 4-5 brought her mother by the handle, said "aha?" And climbed up the steps. Mom was standing downstairs, glancing at her daughter and chatting quietly with her friend. (After all, she saw how recently a voluminous worker was climbing along this ladder, and she understood: therefore, there is a staircase reliably, and she clearly knew how to climb and cling to the child.)
Like honey bees, all the other "store" children immediately attracted to this ladder from all sides. And a little soda began. The children were dying of envy and squealing: they also wanted to go up and up, mothers threatened, and forbade, and gasped, and dragged the children away, and shouted "this ungentle mother".
We are not talking about whether or not Mama was right or wrong (in the sense of culture), we are talking about something else. About how people like to interfere randomly. And that they do it more often than not with good intentions, but simply because "it is not supposed to be so", but "it's due".
If you want to give a child to grow and develop, you will have to learn to resist public opinion. Stencils, habits, rules of a long time ago, the opinion of some passers-by, who have everything to do with everything.
It's easier to accept screams from the gateway, it's better to think with your head. But you have to think either in advance or about the consequences. By the way, the child will also be able to learn to think first, and then do (climb, jump, run, jump ...).
The insidious "no."
Right now, go up to your busy child and tell him (or her) "Do not go into the kitchen ..." You can rest assured that in the next 15 minutes your baby will show up there. Do you think, out of harm? Nothing of the sort, his "not" ears missed.
Any prohibition our psyche meets with hostility. And to obey and listen (and even more so to master), we have to make an effort, to step over our own "I do not want - I will not."
Remember how angry you are at bans in your family or at work. And it is even more difficult for children to do such an effort (if only because they are a freedom-loving people). So it turns out: we say "No! You can not! ", And the child is not ready to hear us, he has" bananas in his ears. " We say "do not do it," and he's heard "do it, and soon ..."
With rhetorical questions, for some reason, the same thing happens: for children, and even your subconscious, they are more irritating, because they do not require an answer. Especially angry teenagers, when from under your question something malicious and prohibitive looks like "I'm telling you in Russian: how long?! .."
- Try to build phrases so as to do without "not", "no" and "impossible."
- Avoid rhetorical questions (especially when you have a bad mood).
- Be cautious-tactful with slightly ironic hints, it often looks like an option of this sort of sophisticated puncturing and also angry, especially teenagers (they are already so unsure of themselves).
- And if you still have to say no, sweeten the pill ...
So, your speech should be positive and concrete, kind, but not ironic.
Repeat in different ways.
Any new information arrives in short-term memory. There it is stored about three days, and then either it is erased, or it changes into a long-term memory, that is, it will be remembered, and for a long time already.
- when the information is bright, emotional;
- when a person repeats it, returns to it. This he seems to say to the brain: it will come in handy, it's important, remember!
Ideally, it should be like this: I mastered the new material, then I repeated it: three days later, a week later, a month later. And repetition should take place in different ways: it's more interesting and memorable! About the same - in different ways.
For example, about the same dangerous fly agaric you:
- told;
- showed how proudly it stands in the forest, as seductively beautiful, but none of the forest inhabitants eat it, not even worms;
- answered questions on the topic (briefly, without lectures);
- showed in the book, in the picture;
- they composed a fairy tale;
- played in the "evil sorceress, who cooked fly agarics and ...";
- painted and commented;
- asked the question on the appropriate occasion (when, for example, in a cartoon show mushrooms with red hats), etc.
- talked and discussed - and let it be a dialogue (especially with high school students).
Similarly - consistently, gradually, deepening and returning to the past - we need to talk about more complex things. The child grows, but the rules do not change. They are only supplemented and expanded, new subpoints will appear, new twists and turns, but the essence is one.
Tell stories.
The best way to bring something to the child is to play it, living in the game all kinds of difficult situations that a little person can get into. Or tell a fairy tale, where in such situations fall cute characters, which the child, maybe, unconsciously, relates to himself.
Source: ihappymama.ru