Large families are a special world, like a small state. While mothers of one child are at war and trying to find a balance in their lives, mothers of many children can show miracles of upbringing, organization and tranquility. What is this: features of character, special secrets or is it true that one is always heavier?
Sometimes it seems a miracle that different children by nature and age can easily get along under one roof. But you still need to organize their life, leisure, everyone to feed and listen! The large family has its own needs and demands, so the mother can not do without organizational skills and discipline.
Despite the fact that all families are different, the experience of having large children can be useful even for families with one child. Mum of eight children (five reception rooms and three relatives) - Olesya Likhunova - told on her Facebook page how she copes with so many children. In their family, there are clear rules, for which there are no exceptions. It is this system that helps Olesa to survive any childhood crises.
Secrets of education from a large mother
In our family there are clear rules of behavior (what can and should not be done), which are discussed in advance and operate regardless of the weekend, holidays, the arrival of guests, etc.
Punishment for violation of the rules is also discussed in advance and overtakes the offender automatically. This means that I do not warn a hundred times (I'll punish, I'll punish right now) - a maximum of one.
Punishment can not be postponed to another time, softened or somehow changed. Therefore, I do not need to be nervous, to think up on the go how to punish a child and doubt whether I was not excited. My task is only to see that the punishment follows the violation. Calmly, without nerves and remorse.
It seems, well, it's so simple, but in fact many parents can not stand this sequence.
- That rule is changed unexpectedly and what was usually not possible, suddenly for good behavior or when the parent is very busy - is allowed.
- That is warned two hundred times, but not punished.
- They punish, but do not bring to the end, and forgive before the time or out of sympathy ("Okay, okay, he realized that it was so impossible to behave").
- They are justified by the fact that they have such a rare kind of child who does not succumb to the usual punishments ("No, our on the chair will not sit, he just goes out and goes about his business"). As a result, the child manipulates the parent, does not take his words seriously.
I just can not afford this situation. My authority should not cause any of the children to doubt, otherwise chaos will begin.
Every child should know that he has a senior adult who makes final decisions, who knows how to correctly protect, calm, direct. Then the child can remain a child and calmly play and develop, because everything is under control. When an adult - the main and self-confident, the child is good.
When I start to talk dryly about our order, some people start to think that we have a military atmosphere in our home, the children sit quietly and are afraid to say another time, and adults click their teeth. Nothing like this. Precisely because everything is clear and clear, we have a calm environment in the family. Children are affectionate, parents are cheerful.
Still I am sure that the habit of strictly observing simple rules will remain with the child when he grows up. And he will not run across the road in the wrong place, he will not leave dirty dishes in the evening for the morning and will be able to resist the third piece of the cake.
About how we punish, I already wrote, but about it is still often asked.
The younger ones are most often punished by sitting on a special chair. He stands in the hallway and is called "punitive". Senior are punished by deprivation of anything (dessert or watching TV) or restriction of freedom (all games within their room / pass skipping).
For example. Kristina climbed into the box of Vadimkin's chest and without permission took a magnifying glass from there. I say that you can not take other people's things, I ask the glass to be returned to the place and I send Chris to the punishment chair for 5 minutes, I start the timer. Kristina loudly stomping and indignantly goes to a chair and sits there angry. Timer rang, the child is free.
Or. Nina shouts: "Vadim, are you that stupid?". To be denied from us is forbidden. At 9 minutes on the chair.
Or. Vadim passing by the cat drinking from the bowl, slapped his hand on the back. It is forbidden to offend kittens. On the chair for 6 minutes.
Time on the timer expose by the number of years. If the child spoils in a corner (continues to resent and furiously throws the slippers), I warn and increase the time.
Example of the second. Seniors play in Monopoly. At some point, Cyril begins to cry, because he does not carry, and he loses. I warn you. Cyril again outraged, screams already on the verge of crying, quarrels with everyone, throws in the game chips. She leaves her room for an hour to calm down.
Or. Nina broke up during the quiet hour and tumbled over her head. Tramp Nina is forbidden, because in the head is a shunt. Three days without a tape recorder (she reads part of the quiet hour, and the second half listens to audio tales).
Or. Maria was too lazy to do her homework on French and the tutor spent the lesson time on his analysis. To walk does not go in the evening.
For example, I do not bring dinner if the room is not cleaned after the game and the table is not prepared.
Fifteen minutes before delivering the plates, I warn both the senior and junior (these are two different rooms with different games) that soon the dinner will be. In the girls' room, the children clean all the papers and markers from the floor, wipe the table, put books, games and other things in their places. In the boys' room, the younger collect the entire designer and toys from the floor in boxes, place the chairs in their places. I check if everything is perfect, then I bring dinner. If not, I will not bring it for anything.
Or the second example. Children go for a walk, if in their dressers order. There is no order - you stay, you put things together. A couple of times Galya stayed, then she began to check the dresser before the walk.
In general, I try not to be nervous about trifles and educate with humor.
For example, if I put a plate of food in front of a child, and he does not say "thank you," I immediately silently take the plate back to the kitchen. He screams after him, "oh, yes, I'm spasibo!" - I'm coming back.
The second example. I bring Vadim a supper, and he starts shouting that he does not want to eat such a hot thing. Silently I take away the porridge, I bring frozen pancakes from the freezer on the plate. Vadim with surprise: "Oh, what is this?" I: "You do not want hot, get cold!" Vadim: "Okay, okay, I want hot!"
The third example. I open Galin's chest of drawers to get an elastic band for my hair and notice that there are candy candy wrappers, some papers and dirty napkins in the top drawer. I remember. After lunch, I bring the children bananas, open one to Kristina and throw the peel in the top drawer Galina chest: "Children, now in the kitchen does not necessarily include garbage, you can throw here! Very comfortably!". In half an hour in the box is already an ideal order.
The fourth example. Cook dinner. Christina groans that she is already hungry and can not wait ten minutes. I say: "Okay, okay!" And put in a small plate of undercooked pasta and a piece of raw chicken. "Ugh, what is this?" I will not! "" Well, you can not wait like other children, but not yet cooked! "" No, I'd rather wait than there is. " And the next time he specifies whether the meal will be finished soon and whether the food is cooked.
The fifth example. If Vadim does not succeed, he starts beating on the floor, screaming, screaming and sobbing. Usually, I warn that I will take the designer, if he continues in the same spirit. Sometimes I take it back if I continue. Recently I said that since it's so small that it bites with every failure, then I have the right remedy: a pacifier and a diaper. Vadim laughed, but stopped shouting. Now, if anything, I appear in the doorway, waving a diaper and a pacifier, and Vadim quickly wakes up, laughs and says: "Well, everything, everything, I will not!".
Of course, sometimes there are non-standard situations, when I break out, abuse, and long and ardently explain why it is wrong to do or say this. Even I take offense, it happens. But this for the past year has been rare. On the fingers you can count such cases. Whether the children have grown up, or are all used to keep within the bounds of the accepted rules.
Everything flows, everything changes, of course, there will be some age-related crises in children. But if we hear each other with children, then I have no doubt that we will cope with everything, we will live through everything.
Source: ihappymama.ru